Dumb Blonde

Dumb Blonde

Once, when I was coming down the flexible tunnel from the gate and about to board an airliner to fly somewhere, the line was stopped for some reason. When it was OK to go forward again the stewardess said to me, “You may get on the plane now.” 

Remembering a George Carlin line from one of his stand up routines, I cleaned it up a little and said, “No Thanks, I think I’ll get inside instead.” 


The young blonde stewardess put her hand on my arm, and stood there with her face twitching and going through a range of emotions and grimaces, obviously not knowing what to make of what I had said. She turned around with her hand over her mouth and another stewardess stepped up and took over the doorway greeting job. 


I made my way to my seat thinking to myself, “Well, THAT went over like a lead balloon.”


A little while later that same stewardess walked by, then stopped, backed up and looked me in the eye… then punched me in the arm. Hard! She said, “You rat, you cost me five bucks!” Then went on down the aisle. 


I was racking my brain trying to think of what FAA regulation I had broken, or caused her to break. Nothing was coming to mind and believe me, being an air traffic controller I had a pretty good working knowledge of regulations, it was my business to know them. 


After the flight got airborne and I was at least sure that I wasn’t going to be asked to leave the plane, I settled down a bit, but still wondered why a little joke had gotten me in such hot water. The stew with the mean right hand came along serving drinks, accompanied by her relief pitcher. It was the second, brunette stewardess who finally explained it to me.


Stew # 2 (the brunette) had bet Stew #1 (blonde) that she could not board the entire passenger list without laughing, as she is easily tickled and gets consumed with the giggles constantly. Stew #1 had rallied to her own defense and bet $5.00 that she could do it. Stew #2 said that it was looking like the girl was going to succeed, as I was among the last half dozen to board. 


She also said that Stew #1 is so tight with her money that she “does long division” on the back of her ticket to figure out the tip to the penny at lunch. So she really HATES to lose a bet involving money.


My little joke got to Stew #1 and made her crack up, which is why all of the facial gymnastics as she tried valiantly not to laugh. And explained why I got the shot in the arm; and the silent treatment for the rest of the flight.


On the way out I stopped in front of this blonde sore loser and extended my hand in a parting gesture of, no-hard-feelings. The girl reluctantly took my hand, and then hugged me to her like a long lost relative.


As I walked down the concourse, the brunette stewardess chased and caught up with me and asked, “You palmed a fiver to her didn’t you?” 


I admitted that I had. I felt bad about costing her the bet and just wanted to ease my own conscience. 


The second girl shook her head and said, “Damn her, I felt bad about her losing the money and told her to forget the bet. Now SHE’s up five bucks and she lost the bet.”


Yeah, blondes are all dumb alright…


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