Time stops for no one, not even me.
The more I have to deal with the problems of my aging father-in-law, the more I see my own frailties exposed. It would be easy to overlook the decreasing vision and subtle hearing losses I am experiencing if I didn’t have to constantly repeat myself when speaking to the old man, or try to make him see things right in front of him.
The worst part is his now barely 30 second memory retention. Because when I forget what I am doing, I instantly flash to the memory of dealing with his forgetfulness and I see myself like that.
We have been dealing with old age problems and nursing homes for so long now, that I am truly afraid that we will never get away from it. When the old man finally passes, it will be time for us to check in. I really don’t like that idea.
Truthfully, I never believed that I would live to retire; so I didn’t spend any time or effort thinking about what I would do or how I would live. Now that the unthinkable has become reality I have been teased with the freedom of available time.
Just as our commitments to other things have ceased and we might be able to have fun, we had to spend the money we had to save a parent’s house and deal with their problems. Now we are tied to elder care and its associated problems 24/7. We were so close to freedom…
Another issue that I didn’t expect was to have difficulty understanding and negotiating medical insurance paperwork. Or needing to, for that matter. I am not stupid, (in fact I am a member of Mensa), so I should reasonably expect to be able to look at reports and claim forms, or check into or out of hospitals or clinics without being stressed out by confusion over what I just read or signed.
I do not want to have the attitude that life sucks and it is Hell getting old. Life is what you make of it and happiness is the journey, not a destination.
When you reach the point in your time allotment on this planet, when you know that there is less left to go than you have already lived, quality of life becomes more important. You find that you don’t want to have regrets about the things that you didn’t do (more so than what you did wrong). The saddest point in your life is when you give up trying to live and just exist.